Driving is hard. I sympathize with you.

To begin with, the automatic automobile is a complex machine and learning to make it move and stop is akin to wizardry.

I mean, not only do you have a pedal for stop and go but I’ve found that you can actually slow down by taking your foot off the gas pedal! Who knew, right? I always assumed that I had to press down on the “stop” pedal to make the machine slow down. It’s actually quite amazing.

As if it weren’t hard enough to learn how to use such a complex machine, the weather conspires against us to make it harder. As you know, Portland is a very arid place to live. We rarely ever see a drop of rain, so I can understand how when it does rain, Oregon drivers aren’t used to it.

So, it’s perfectly ok then to drive 10 miles per hour on the highway when such an event from the heavens known as “rain” happens. It’s also understandable that when it does rain you might crash into inanimate objects…a lot.

It’s ok that your accident has clogged the freeways and the streets, we know how tough it is. When we drive by and see this, we think to ourselves, “Driving is hard, struggle on my friend, struggle on.”

Last but not least, turning a car (either left or right) should really be left to immortal powers. It’s really beyond the understanding of normal mortal humans like you and I. Because I know that it’s an impossible task, it’s ok for you to slow down to a snail’s pace to make a right turn. After all, we wouldn’t want you to fly out of control, would we?

It’s also ok for you to bolt and turn left the second the light turns green even though there are still pedestrians and other automobiles in the intersection. Everyone that scampers out of your way, like roaches exposed to light, understands how hard it is to make a legal left turn.

So with that in mind, I sympathize with each and every one of you…God help us all.